On the edge of war, one foot already in,
I no longer pray for peace:
I pray for miracles.
I pray that stone hearts will turn
to tenderheartedness,
and evil intentions will turn
to mercifulness,
and all the soldiers already deployed
will be snatched out of harm's way,
and the whole world will be
astounded onto its knees.
I pray that all the "God talk"
will take bones,
and stand up and shed
its cloak of faithlessness,
and walk again in its powerful truth.
I pray that the whole world might
sit down together and share
its bread and its wine.
Some say there is no hope,
but then I've always applauded the holy fools
who never seem to give up on
the scandalousness of our faith:
that we are loved by God......
that we can truly love one another.
I no longer pray for peace:
I pray for miracles.
Ann Weems - Ash Wednesday, March 5, 2003
(Thanks, Mark)
Seminary and the blogiverse, I mean. The first assignment due in Trevor's Ethics class is to write a short review of one of the books listed in the syllabus (plenty to choose from in that lengthy tome!). The book I'm reading is Christian Ethics in Secular Worlds, by Robin Gill. The first section, "New Dimensions in Christian Ethics," spends a lot of time discussing, guess what? Yep-- our old friend, community. Here's some exerpts, as food for thought:
First, Gill offers Robert Bellah's general definition of community: "A group of people who are socially interdependentent, who participate together in discussion and decision-making, and who share certain practices that both define the community and are nurtured by it. Such a community is not quickly formed. It almost always has a history and so is also a community of memory, defined in part by its past and its memory of its past."
To address the gap we all see between ideal community (in Christian terms, koinonia) and the faulty reality, Gill posits that "an important distinction must be made. Christian communities are harbingers rather than exemplars of Christian values. Of course, they can at times be exemplars of Christian values, but too often they are sinful and/or socially constrained. the media in a pluralist society are particularly adept at pointing to the way Christian communities do not in fact live up to their own professed values. And it is perhaps vital that the media do so. Christian communities may need to be reminded that they are harbingers of values which they frequently flaunt, misunderstand, or just fail to notice. Yet their Scriptures, lections, liturgies, hymns, and accumulated sources of long-refined wisdom continue to carry those values despite their manifest frailties. Worshipping communities act as such moral harbingers, whether they realise this or not. Indeed, the very moral judgements so frequently offered by the media of Christian communities may act as an important reminder that Christian values are already scattered in society at large."
I began sorting through the donations for soldiers overseas this morning; a credible pile in the basket after only a few days. I am grateful to say that this stuff comes from people who are on both sides of the Just War fence. This is work that only the Holy Spirit makes possible: disciples who are unequivocal about loving their neighbors-- even the ones in fatigues toting weaponry. Praying for and caring for God's children in tangible ways, even as they work against the violence that involves so many of them right now.
There are two reasons I started this. I first got the idea when my son's school set home a note requesting donations for Iraq-based military personnel. Then, as I told you, a young friend from my home parish, an alum of our youth group, was just discharged a few months ago. Last month, his former unit shipped out to Afghanistan (Airborne Infantry: paratroopers, jumping out of perfectly good airplaines. Go figure). His younger sister came to church last week with a list of requests from his buddies. (Not surprisingly, their list ran much heavier to snackage!)
Currently I'm dividing Seabury donations between the two recipients (church and school). However, I have a call in to the PTO president, who's supposed to help me set it up independently, because the school program is only supposed to last a few weeks. My hope is to have this be an ongoing effort, shipping items every two weeks to a month or so, depending on how long this all lasts; but quite frankly, that's still a work in progress. Of course, if all the soldiers came home tomorrow, I would gladly drop it all, with much rejoicing.
This is a test of the emergency Ethics color system. In the event of a true Ethics blog, the posting will be instructed to change to a different color. This is only a test.
Anyone who's been over to AKMA's or Tripp's blogs knows that the Great Used Book Sale began across the street today. A wondrous thing. I went over with a nearly empty backpack, intending to see what might be there-- ended up filling the backpack and carrying home a small box. Much smaller than Trevor's, I might add; he had such a huge pile that it hurt to see him pick it up. Fortunately, Trev humored my maternal instincts and allowed somebody to help him carry his booty back to Seabury. Now if only he'd update his blog...
Remember what I said about the first week of classes? "Anabaptist Tuesday" did me in. Between the syllabus from my Quaker New Testament prof. (a lovely woman named Julie), and our favorite Mennonite Trevor's requirements for Ethics, I'm now officially swamped.
I started a new project here at Seabury yesterday; collecting "comfort care" items to be sent to men and women serving in the military, in Iraq and Afghanistan. Announcing this in chapel yesterday earned me some odd looks from a few folks; oh, well. Regardless of how we feel about the war, the fact remains that there are thousands of young men and women who find themselves far from home, in a hostile, dangerous environment. Most of them are young enough to be my children; each one is somebody's precious son or daughter, and all are beloved of God. That's true of people on both sides of the conflict, I know; but the U. S. troops are the ones I can help, directly. They need our support and care, in prayer and in action.
So I've set a basket by the kiosk, and posted a list of items recommended by the Salvation Army, along with requests from an Airborne Infantry unit currently stationed in Afghanistan (one of my parish "kids" just finished his 3-year hitch a few months ago; his old unit is now overseas). They are things which are both needed and appreciated: toiletries, playing cards, snacks. If you're interested in doing something similar where you live, call your local Salvation Army, and they'll tell you how. Good folks.
The first week of classes, I'm discovering, is always deceptively peaceful. Professors check their rosters, pass out syllabi, and go over expectations (which sound easy and reasonable at this point). Two weeks from now I'll be in over my head, but I'm enjoying the feeling while it lasts. Especially yesterday, which was sunny and warm. That's supposed to change this afternoon, doggone it-- March is such a tease.
I have 4 classes this term, all still at Seabury (under the new curriculum, electives mostly don't start until next year). Yesterday was Christian Life & Thought II: Church history from roughly A.D. 700 - 1100 or so. It meets Mon/Wed. On Tues/Thurs I have New Testament I in the morning, Ethics I in the afternoon. Trevor's teaching ethics, which will be cool. Then there's Pastoral Care & Congregations, on Wed/Fri with John Dreibelbis.
I'm also beginning my morning walk routine once again, now that the subzero temps seem to have passed on. Hopefully my back will sooon be behaving itself again as a result; I sure didn't enjoy walking around listing to port so much last quarter. There's a small group of us that pace around the neighborhood, most mornings before breakfast. Be on the steps around 6:30 and you can join us!
My spring break may be over tomorrow, but my children are just beginning theirs; both will be off school until the 31st. For a variety of reasons, Bruce & I will both be in the role of "parent on duty" this week; Kyle will stay home and bond with Daddy, while Carolyn comes up to school with me for a few days. Look out, Seabury: short, feisty ballplayer about to be in temporary residence.
CJ is now resident in cyberspace as well; I spent some time this afternoon showing her how to set up her own blog. She got interested after I showed her through my links. She found several of them amusing, but apparently Si's was the dealbreaker; a friend her own age, and not just geeky old Mom and those of similar vintage. Feel free to stop by and say hello.
We continue to work and play with the NCAA tournament in the background. It's not been a great day for my predictions, especially Louisville losing to Butler, of all ridiculous things. Clear evidence of my lack of psychic ability. Now we're tracking UK/Utah and Florida/MSU. I'm rooting for the Wildcats (who are doing well) and the Gators (who aren't). Both wins are vital to my brackets not being messed up even worse than they already are. This is why I'm not a gambler; it would make me crazy to have cash riding on this nonsense.
Spring break is not quite over, but I was back up at Seabury this morning for a few hours anyway. Tidied up my room a bit, reconnected with some returning classmates, checked out this quarter's textbooks (half of which weren't on the bookstore shelves; hope there's a major shipment this afternoon!), and spent a couple of hours with AKMA, trying to be useful. I have been recently employed as a cheerful work-study gopher; thus far I've spent my time primarily helping to organize his office a bit. This takes some effort, but does not require much mind-stretching. Today's project started out to be about that simple: uploading articles written by students in Early Church History class to an encyclopedia site that AKMA started last year. Unfortunately, that site has disappeared. Vanished. Evaporated into cyberspace ether.
So now I'm charged with creating a new site-- which I'm sure sounds simple to all you happy technogeeks out there, but is a bit intimidating for me, considering all I don't know. This would be easy to do in a database program-- Filemaker springs to mind; a wonderful toy and one with which I'm familiar and fairly able. However, my HTML experience is really minimal. The good news is that Bruce, my beloved husband, is quite competent, and has provided me with some useful tools and cogent suggestions; but even with his help there's going to be a learning curve here. Hope you're feeling especially patient, boss!
I did have the pleasure of submerging my nervousness in a fine lunch with Laura; a midday visit that two hours later seemed not nearly long enough. Then capped the evening with a rousing family game of Trouble, where Kyle came surging from behind to win (he's a cutthroat opponent, with an evil cackle as he pounces).
. . . "Peace" Protesters? Some few in Chicago arrested for assaulting a passing jogger with the U.S. flag sewn onto his jogging suit. More in San Francisco attacking reporters covering their event, and throwing rocks at police when they intervened.
. . . DJ "Patriot"? A local radio station aired the sound of today's bombardment of Iraq, immediately followed by playing "The Star-Spangled Banner."
. . . Highly Educated? College student interviewed on MTV: "It's similar to 911. Not like we forgot, but we're past it now. It doesn't affect our lives anymore. The war will be the same way."
Taken from the Great Litany in the BCP; indicated for use as a separate devotion "especially in times of war, or of national anxiety, or of disaster."
O Lord, arise, help us;
And deliver us for thy Name's sake. O God, we have heard with our ears, and our fathers have declared unto us, the noble works that thou didst in their days, and in the old time before them.
O Lord, arise, help us; and deliver us for thy Name's sake. Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Ghost; as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
O Lord, arise, help us; and deliver us for thy Name's sake.
V. From our enemies defend us, O Christ;
R. Graciously behold our afflictions. V. With pity behold the sorrows of our hearts;
R. Mercifully forgive the sins of thy people. V. Favorably with mercy hear our prayers;
R. O Son of David, have mercy upon us. V. Both now and ever vouchsafe to hear us, O Christ;
R. Graciously hear us, O Christ; graciously hear us, O Lord Christ.
Let us pray.
We humbly beseech thee, O Father, mercifully to look upon our infirmities; and, for the glory of thy Name, turn from us all those evils that we most justly have deserved; and grant that in all our troubles we may put our whole trust and confidence in thy mercy, and evermore serve thee in holiness and pureness of living, to thy honor and glory; through our only Mediator and Advocate, Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
(With what's happening in the larger world being so intense, I'm feeling the need for just a bit of silliness. This serves the purpose nicely.)
The Prodigal Son in the Key of F
Feeling footloose and frisky, a featherbrained fellow forced his fond father to fork over his farthings. He flew far to foreign fields and frittered his fortune, feasting fabulously with faithless friends.
Finally facing famine and fleeced by his fellows-in-folly, he found himself a feed flinger in a filthy farmyard. Fairly famished, he fain would have filled his frame with foraged food from the fodder fragments.
"Fooey! My father's flunkies fare far fancier," the frazzled fugitive fumed feverishly, frankly facing facts.
Frustrated by failure and filled with foreboding, he fled forthwith to his family. Falling at his father's feet, he floundered forlornly, "Father, I have flunked and fruitlessly forfeited family favor."
But the faithful father, forestalling further flinching, frantically flagged the flunkies to fetch forth the finest fatling and fix a feast.
The fugitive's fraternal faultfinder frowned on the fickle forgiveness of former folderol. His fury flashed, but fussing was futile.
The farsighted father figured, "Such filial fidelity is fine, but what forbids fervent festivity? For the fugitive is found. Unfurl the flags with flaring, let fun and frolic freely flow. Former failure is forgotten, folly forsaken. Forgiveness forms the foundation for future fortune."
I'm supposed to be working on scholarship applications, but that's hard to do with all the pre-war news on the radio in the background. Pontificating pundits, and journalists reporting unverifiable tidbits. Listening to the repetition does no good, and yet I can't seem to turn it off. And my heart sinks at what I'm hearing.
Unlike many of the good people with whom I live and work, I am not a committed pacifist. I can see an end point where violence, or the threat of violence, becomes a viable, defensive alternative. I've been in that spot. My problem with what I see in this situation is that it is not, strictly speaking, defensive response; it's proactive: intended to prevent the potential of future evil.
Make no mistake, I find Hussein's behavior loathesome. AKMA says it quite well: Saddam Hussein is a bloody, foul tyrant, and Iraq would have to be better off without him. There’s nothing, so far as I know, to be said on his behalf. Part of me thinks it never should have been allowed to go on this long. It's been 12 years that Iraq has been allowed to lead the United Nations around by the nose; and passing resolutions scolding him has accomplished nothing.
But I have to question the appropriateness of this deadline, at this time.
Another event layered on yesterday: one of the sturdy souls who keeps the Dean's office running at Seabury saw her son, her youngest child, off to Marine boot camp. She asks us to pray for him, for "wise leadership and for peace." One thing we can do amid the turmoil.
Prayer For those in the Armed Forces of our Country (Taken from the BCP, pg. 823):
Almighty God, we commend to your gracious care and keeping all the men and women of our armed forces at home and abroad. Defend them day by day with your heavenly grace; strengthen them in their trials and temptations; give them courage to face the perils which beset them; and grant them a sense of your abiding presence wherever they may be; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
This morning's local newspaper has an article saying yesterday's Amber Alert turned out to be a false alarm. A father loading his children into the back seat through the hatchback was thought by bystanders to be stuffing them in the trunk. The good news is that the alert system worked well enough that he was stopped and questioned only a little while after being reported. I could still wish that the reporting across state lines was more prompt; especially around here, where interstate travel in some neighborhoods means crossing the street.
This afternoon, two children were apparently abducted from my local grocery store. I found this out from my sister-in-law Bonnie, who saw an Amber Alert notice on her TV in Indianapolis, 150 miles away. We did not see it here, because in the northwest corner of the state we get exclusively Chicago media coverage. Apparently the states do not communicate this information between one another as they should. The driver appeared to be headed north, toward the expressway, which means either Illinois or Michigan are likely destinations.
Here is very cool thing that my very cool sister-in-law Lisa just shared with me: the International Digital Children's Library. These are scanned books from the Library of Congress, in digital format online (for free!). Kids were an integral part of the design and choice team, and it looks terrific. The books have to be read on screen, and the system requires the download of a 6M file, but it's worth it, to get easy access to "materials donated from 27 cultures in 15 languages."
If you feel there must be kids around to go into this site, and do not have any currently in residence, then borrow a couple; it's worth it.
Spring Break. How strange it feels to not wake up facing papers, online quizzes and assigned reading. I might even have slept in this morning, had Drake not demanded to be let out. Nothing gets you up and moving like 100+ lbs. of panting shepherd-- and the spectre of cleaning up after him if you don't respond promptly.
The house is quiet. Bruce has gone to his Aikido class; Carolyn (and overnight guest Michelle) are still asleep, and probably will be for a while; and Kyle is caught up in the adventures of Spongebob Squarepants. Me? Well, after I finish this, my plan is to kick into Domestic Goddess mode: housecleaning, laundry, and then down to my sewing corner in the basement. The problem is that sounds much more ambitious than I feel right now, so I don't know what will actually get done, but we'll see. Then headed up to my sister's house this afternoon. Janice has been in serious home improvement mode, and I'm looking forward to seeing what she's finished. Ah, the neverending thrill of suburban life... at least for today, just what I need.
Well, it's done: my last paper for Liturgy class. Technically it's not due until next Monday, but I really didn't want to go home tomorrow with unfinished business hanging over my head. So, I'm up well past my bedtime. Took longer than it should have, because I'm distracted by my back acting up this evening. Old injury, new pain. Spent the last few hours lying on a heating pad, pounding out a newsletter-ish essay on the virtues of praying the Daily Office. Thank God for laptops. Now that I've composed something reasonably cogent, I can take the meds I put off until now because they make me goofy, and get some sleep. Sweet dreams, y'all.
Jesus I've forgotten the Words that You have spoken.
Promises that burned within my heart have now grown dim.
With a doubting heart I follow the paths of earthly wisdom.
Forgive me for my unbelief; renew the fire again
Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy on me.
Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy on me.
I have built an altar where I worship things of man.
I have taken journeys that have drawn me far from You.
Now I am returning to your mercies ever flowing.
Pardon my transgressions; help me love You again.
Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy on me.
Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy on me.
I have longed to know You and Your tender mercies
Like a river of forgiveness, ever-flowing without end.
I bow my heart before You in the goodness of your presence;
Your grace forever shining, like a beacon in the night.
Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy on me.
Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy on me.
Well, the comments seem to be working better; Jeff was able to get through, even using a PC and Explorer. He expresses feelings of opression in the previous (now functional) comments. Let me assure all of my PC/IE friends that this was an unintended glitch, and in no way intended to discriminate against my less fortunate brothers and sisters.
Now the other thing: I went back and changed the HTML code on a couple of previous postings, to allow for slings and arrows-- so feel free to take your best shot at Community (below, in this week's musings)and Mission, from last week. Those blogs seem to have been the ones that caused friends to express their frustration at not being able to comment. Unfortunately, that editing seems to have deleted David's prior lone comments on those issues. Rest assured, my friend, that I did read them before they disappeared into oblivion; and I will struggle mightily to ensure that any of your future postings remain unsullied.
I've wondered for years if Bill Gates was not in league with the Antichrist; this whole business is another mark in the "yes" column.
The blog creation saga continues. I did some tweaking, and Mark was able to post on my Revised Standard Comments through Explorer. Bright boy that he is, he uses a Mac; would someone please try posting to this blog with the PC version, please? thanks! If this works, I'll go back and try to change the HTML on the older blogs.
Once again, I'm stymied by technology. I learned today that my comments don't work if someone is using Internet Explorer as their browser. (Actually, this was kind of a relief; I was wondering why David was the only one who would come over to play!) The comment host I'm using has no suggestions to solve this problem, though they have several other people on their help forum with the same issue. I've looked into other suppliers, but it seems the ones I like are not taking new clients right now. If you've got suggestions, please email me; I can use all the help I can get.
Community seems to be the topic of the moment, in the corner of the blogiverse in which I spend my time. It's been fascinating to read what far deeper thinkers than I have to say. Start by checking out AKMA,Trevor or Tripp; then add Cliff's deep thoughts for good measure. They've all got good stuff in their posts, and they talk real purdy, too.
Me, I have a hard time getting too caught up in the philosophical nuances of trying to define precisely what community is. My geeky enginerd brain trots merrily on past all that, and settles on trying to look at what works, or doesn't, and how. I’m less concerned with form than function.
So when Laura asks, "How is it that WE (any community) can simultaneously have an identity, and have the possibility of growth and change?," my thoughts start to spin. I don’t believe that we can do otherwise. A community, formed by whatever definition, functions as a living thing, and its behavior can be described in much the same way as a physical organism. The 2nd Law of Thermodynamics states that, in a closed system, entropy always increases. Entropy may be defined as disorder, as a deterioration of structure. The molecules separate, fall out of line, disintigrate; eventually, the system ceases to function. It dies. The only way to avoid that death is cease to be a closed system; to allow interaction with that which is outside.
This ties into Tripp’s discussion of boundaries. Whether crystal structure, cell wall, or community, boundaries of some sort do need to be there. They provide definition, and identity. Without them, our system, our community, is an amorphous, incoherent mess. However, if the entity is to continue to exist, its boundaries also need to be porous, allowing interaction with the outside.
In a community, keeping those boundaries porous, and thereby allowing both growth and change, means being open to shared experience-- new people and new ideas. Those people and ideas may alter the community, and/or be altered by it. Either way, change happens.
I would further suggest that the boundaries of community are primarily experiential. Common belief is important, but shared experience is also vital and foundational. Susie expresses this well when she talks about sports, and team building activities she used at camp. This last weekend provides another fine example. I was part of a group of Seaburians and associates who went into Chicago to see a play Saturday night. That shared experience builds a tiny bit of community, in a way that a description of the event cannot provide to those who did not attend. Further, a shared experience continues to affect community in a way that shared information does not. I could explain a line from the play at length (“Leg cramp! Leg cramp!”), but someone who did not see and hear it in context would not have the same fullness of meaning.
This is part and parcel of why the theology of the Eucharist as anemnesis is such a critical deal for the community that is the church. It is participation, shared experiencing of Jesus’ death and resurrection, shared salvation with believers through the ages, and those sitting next to us in the pew, and those sitting in other pews a thousand miles away, that binds us together into the body of Christ.
That’s all for now. Time to accomplish something in the world of seminary education.
All right, time to stop whining. "This is a day that the Lord has made; I will rejoice and be glad in it." That's not exactly a Lenten psalm, is it? Except that it's just the reminder I need that God is in the moment, even (maybe especially) when the moment is one in which I don't much feel like rejoicing. So, stand up straight. Deep, cleansing breaths. Onward.
I've spent last evening and this morning trying to begin the last assignment for my Gospel Mission class. The topic, as stated in the syllabus: to write a paper reflecting your perspective on mission and your participation in mission. In less than 2000 words, state a view of mission and where it intersects with your life and ministry.
Now I have lots of ideas around this topic, but I'm really struggling, trying to get them to come together in some sort of coherent manner. I guess I could start by saying what "my perpective on mission" is not. It doesn't stem out of LIberation Theology, as I understand it expressed around here. Is that heretical? Maybe so, to some of my classmates, but I don't start there. Feeding the hungry, clothing the poor, relieving the oppressed are all fine things, and integral to living out the call to Christian life; but they are the result, not the cause. The cause is the Gospel, the Good News of Jesus Christ, dying and rising for us and for our salvation.
My mission-- the church's mission-- is to proclaim that, at all times, in as many ways as we can find, so that all will hear and believe. We are to be "warning everyone and teaching everyone, so that together we can present ouselves mature in Christ. This I do with all the energy that He powerfully inspires within me." The feeding, clothing, and relieving all stem from that energy, that call.
We do not believe because we serve, we serve because we believe-- in Jesus, his teaching and his ministry. Sure, Jesus healed bodies-- as a secondary activity. His prime focus was in teaching, and healing souls. Remember the paralytic? Down through the roof he came, and the first thing that happened was that his sins were forgiven. Walking again was almost an afterthought; certainly 2ndary priority. And how often did bodily healing come as a result of belief and faith?
In the promises in my baptismal covenant. Seek and serve Christ in all persons, respecting the dignity of every human being. That's where we most often fail. The history of mission is littered with people who considered changing lives was their job, not God’s, so they worked from the outside in (culture, dress, etc.) instead of witnessing to the Truth in Jesus, and trusting Him to work from the inside out. deNobili's missionary coworkers in 16th century India, Native American conversions in this country, all of that. We do not convert; we can only witness, and pray that those who hear us will allow the Spirit to begin the process of conversion. We do not save; we are to proclaim and live the good news, and allow that salvation is God’s to grant, and another’s to accept or not.
There's some brainstorm blogging-- disjointed fodder for thought, or maybe just wet hay.
Community issues here continue to amaze and confuse me. We had a class meeting today, that dissolved into one of those moments where nothing is accomplished and everybody seems to walk away upset. I know I did. First off, I really don't like being cut off and not allowed to finish a thought, and having that happen was really irritating. Secondly, I was one of four people who had volunteered to be nominated for some jobs here, who were more or less set aside. Our offer to serve in these roles was misinterpreted as some sort of power grab, as though we were running as some "straight party ticket"-- all or nothing. We said specifically that was not what we were about-- we were four people offering to serve the community in these positions, and if others also wanted to volunteer for one post or another, that was great. More assurance that the positions would be filled, and filled well. Somehow, that didn't get heard.
As I've thought about it, I've come to believe that the issue is one of trust. For whatever reason, I feel like the rest of my classmates did not trust the folks that volunteered. Our intentions? Our abilities? I don't know which; either way, it hurts.
Forgive us Lord, for we are sinners in your sight.
My first Ash Wednesday at Seabury, and two moments stand out. A woman from outside our community sat near me in chapel during Eucharist. It made me acutely aware once again of the incredible amount of book juggling that we do here, in the name of exploring all the church's liturgical resources. I've gotten used to it, (more so than I had realized until now) so I was able to be helpful. We had a short chat after worship, in defiance of Quiet Day custom (of which she was unaware, and I felt no need to share at that point).
Returned to custom for lunch, and my sewing/prep time afterward in the refectory. Other people were using the space at the same time, for reading and writing, which I hadn't expected. I don't generally sew around people. It makes me uneasy, and it's disorienting-- rather like having somebody watching me meditate. But not this time. Once I got past the fidgets, it was a comfortable and comforting space, and I was blessed by the silent community. Thanks, folks.
I woke up this morning to the sound of the snow plow in the school's parking lot. We only got maybe 4 - 5" up here in Evanston, and my family reports a little less at home. As the weather mavens had been warning us of the potential for as much as a foot, this is a relief-- for all but the school children, who have to go when they were hoping to say home (actually, Kyle is an exception to this; Wednesdays are computer lab days for him, and he doesn't want to miss that).
This is a Quiet Day here at Seabury-- worship and devotional time, but no classes. I'll be spending some meditative time with fabric and patterns spread out on one of the big tables in the refectory. I'm beginning a chausible for a friend's ordination in April-- a privilege, and a joy. For me, sewing-- especially liturgical sewing-- is prayer time; God in my head, and in my heart, and in my working hands. I find it easiest to “pray without ceasing” when I sew. It's about as contemplative as I get.
This has been a day of strange, wonderful, fun moments in Blogville. The fun: AKMA is ruminating about telegrams, looking to reminisce about the dawn of long distance blogging. The wondrous: Laura has found a website that both reflects her Ethics paper, and saves me the effort of substantively supporting her. I can just point here and say, "Yeah-- what they said!" The strange: Cliff's hilarity, complete with sound effects, and the spectre (illustrated, no less) of the High Churchman and the Calvinist being tattoed for Christ.
And the best part? I can direct you to all of these things, and still make it in time for Compline.
Today has been a dilly. Consider, please, the folks on my prayer list tonight: waiting for biopsy results, struggles in morality, a missing daughter, a crisis in faith, loss of income, and painful frustration. That's enough for one Monday, don't you think?
Why this conversion, Lord? Why all at once? Doggone it, why any of it? Please be with these your children, and cover them with your healing presence and love.
Oh, and while you're at it , I can use some help, too. Tonight I'm really tired of all the questions and darn few answers, of driving back and forth and not fully belonging at either end, of slogging through one pile only to find three others. I feel whiny and irritable and sluggish, and I need more than I've got in myself to get past it.
(The preacher at this morning's Eucharist used part of this poem as an illustration. I've found it several places on the Web, attributed to several people, so I don't know who actually wrote it; but I thought it worth sharing.)
I would like to buy three dollars worth of God, please.
I would like to try just a little of the Lord.
Not enough to explode my soul or disturb my sleep;
Not enough to take control of my life -- I'll keep
Just enough to equal a cup of warm milk
And just enough to ease some of the pain from my guilt.
I would like to buy three dollars worth of God, please.
I would like to find a love that's pocket-size.
Not enough to make me love a black man;
Not enough to change my heart --- I can only stand
Just enough to take to church when I have the time
And just enough to equal a snooze in the sunshine.
I want ecstasy but not transformation,
I want the warmth of the womb but not a new birth.
I would like to purchase a pound of the eternal
In a paper sack ---
Guaranteed or money back.
I would like to buy three dollars worth of God, please.
I would like to hide some for a rainy day.
Not enough to make people see a change in me
And not enough to impose responsibility
But just enough to make church folks think that I'm OK
And just enough to exhibit once a week on Sunday.
I would like to buy three dollars worth of God, please.
