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Hoosier Musings on the Road to Emmaus

Saturday, July 31, 2004

New from C.M. Almy: The Port-a-Bishop!

Are you having trouble getting the sort of episcopal supervision you want? Does your parish want the freedom of congregational rule without the stigma of COMING OUT as Congregationalists or Presbyterians? Are you tired of bothering with those who disagree with you?

Almy has heard your prayers and solved your problem! Now you can buy your OWN inflatable bishop, specially installed with download options to YOUR specifications! This bishop is guaranteed to say NOTHING which can surprise or offend!

NOW you can retain the HERITAGE and DIGNITY of episcopal visitation without worrying about heresy! The inflatable bishop comes with a sophisticated speaker system (activated by a remote control in YOUR hands!) programmed to pronounce absolution and benediction and words of confirmation and ordination-- but only to those of whom YOU approve.

Made of lifelike rubberite, the port-a-bishop has special velcro hands which attach to heads of confirmands and ordinands. Port-a-Bishop deflates for safe, easy storage.

Two models, to better accessorize your faith:

(a) Model 1928-AC. THE ANGLO-CATHOLIC. Complete with 5 beautiful removable cope and mitre sets.

(b) Model 1928-lowprot. THE EVANGELICAL. Left hand raised in warning, holding lifelike leatherette Bible.
$150.00 (Please specify business suit or tweed jacket.)

The Model 1928 series is endorsed by the Prayer Book Society.

PLEASE SPECIFY DIALECT OF YOUR EPISCOPAL VISITOR. Currently available: Oxbridge, Texan, Old South, Artistic Lilt*, and Rwandan.

*Model Discontinued.

(I have no idea where this originated; if anyone knows the author, I'll be delighted to give full credit).


Blogger Dawgdays said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

July 31, 2004 10:36 AM  

Blogger Dawgdays said...

Wait, there might not be much call for that model.

July 31, 2004 10:38 AM  

Blogger Reverend Ref + said...

It reminds me of the animatronic worship leader/band I saw on another blog -- maybe RLP? The leader's name is Steve and they play all the popular contemporary worship music.

A blow-up bishop. Does that say anything about the tendency of bishops to be full of hot air?

I'll keep my live one (both, actually). They're good.

July 31, 2004 12:20 PM  

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