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Hoosier Musings on the Road to Emmaus

Monday, September 04, 2006

It's the little things

This is my first day off in quite a stretch. I've had a bit of sleep, and a chance to consider the events of the last few days, and some of the details beyond the immediate demands of Fire, Land, and World Peace. The following thoughts may not seem momentous in the overall scheme of things, but they would certainly go a ways toward Making the World a Better Place.

So, if I were Queen of the Universe...
  • Clothing dimensions would be consistent. One would shop in the same size range at Gi-normous Discount Barn, Swanky Department Store or Chic Boutique. (Do not start with me about the virtues of men's clothing using body measurements; they are just as prone to "Retail Creativity." A 36 waist in one place is not the same as the next.)
  • Attractive underpinnings would be readily available in every size. Just in case this is not clear: "attractive" means pretty options beyond white tricot and cotton; "readily available" means in stock without significant upcharges or need for special orders; and "every size" means recognition that there is a world beyond the B cup.
  • In a related issue: button-down blouses would never, ever gap.
  • Comb-overs-- that odious hairstyle some balding men effect by parting their hair above one ear and flopping overlong tresses over the top in a futile attempt to cover-- would be forever banned. Learn to love your scalp, gentlemen-- or, if your vanity will not suffer the follicular abandonment, invest in a quality toupee.
That's not all we need, certainly; but it's a start. Feel free to add your own declarations below.


Blogger Reverend Ref + said...

Good ideas all ... but I'm still partial to revamping the calendar as the first item on my agenda.

13 months, 28 days each month, every month starts on a Sunday and ends on a Saturday.

And once every four years, there's an extra day off for everybody, instead of that whacked-out 29th day in February.

September 04, 2006 10:51 AM  

Blogger see-through faith said...


also at the calander :)

Hope you are doing ok

September 04, 2006 1:51 PM  

Blogger Jules said...

I think these are great! Few things more atractive than a man confident enough to get rid of the comb-over. (I say this somewhat sheepishly, since my spouse still has a full head of very thick dark hair.)

I would add: We "women of substance" would be the ones with thousands of fashion choices, and our skinnier sisters would have to go to the third floor, hidden corner, to find the muumuus.

September 04, 2006 6:00 PM  

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Frankly, I think a bald headed man is sexy. Why comb over when you can just shave it all off and let that big old dome shine?

September 04, 2006 6:04 PM  

Blogger Young fogey emeritus said...

Comb-over + stiff gust = lots of laughs. (Would you deprive the world of this bit of fun? In a way it's even better than somebody's rug flying off.) 'Pride goeth before' and so on.

If I were king...

(And I know this is a geek POV...)

The chess team, science club, etc., would get the same attention and respect as the football and men's basketball (etc.) teams, adjusting that level up or down appropriately.

(And what about women's teams? I don't mean the recent silliness about Title IX, dropping men's teams etc. As well-intended but wrong as that was, they do get the short end of the stick.)

Sport is great - a healthy mind in a healthy body and all that (yes, athletes are hot) - but working for a small-town newspaper I see the inordinate attention it gets... not to mention the astronomical salaries the pros get.

Here endeth the rant. (R. Thanks be to God.)

September 05, 2006 10:21 AM  

Blogger Jane Ellen+ said...

Ref+: Oh, you bet. God knows that would make life easier with four congregations demanding-- and deserving-- even-handed attention!

Fogey: I agree with you wholeheartedly. How about that? Apparently with God all things really are possible. ;-).

(In the interest of full disclosure, it should be noted that a) I have very little athletic ability, and b) I was president of my high school science club; so you may gauge my biases accordingly.)

September 05, 2006 11:30 AM  

Blogger Dawgdays said...

I was president of my high school science club

Gee, who'da thunk?

Seriously, though, if I were General Manager of the Universe, I think I'd go with Rodney King, "People, I just want to say, you know, can we all get along?"

September 05, 2006 2:04 PM  

Blogger Ryan said...

As a follicularly challenged man myself, I've often wondered what those who adhere to the combover think they're hiding? Let me introduce you to a razor my friends...

As a P.S. - all attractive women who think men with little to no hair are attractive please come to Florida.


September 05, 2006 3:28 PM  

Blogger Susie/Nueva Cantora said...


Real Simple this month has an article all about the ridiculous variation in sizes from store to store... it provides absolutely no help, but it was enlightening and entertaining enough for a plane ride.

September 07, 2006 8:05 AM  

Blogger Unknown said...

I like totally agree, esp. about the gap thing.

September 11, 2006 10:40 PM  

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