Last night, we shifted our base of operations to just outside Lawrenceburg, Kentucky-- which is just outside Lexington. Bruce's sister Lisa, her husband Tony, and their daughters live on a small farm here. It's not where I'd want to live for an extended period-- a bit too isolated for my taste, with the closest neighbor a quarter-mile away-- but a beautiful place to visit, even in the winter when everything's brown and stark. Gorgeous rolling hills, and picture postcard views out every window.

Some of the family has arrived already; more will come down in the morning, and that's when we'll celebrate the last bit of Christmas for the season. Then we drive back home tomorrow afternoon.

But tonight, the clan is ringing in the new year, with much glad family talking, and grandchildren playing, and extroverted festivity-- in which I will join gladly, and then trundle off to bed.

A joyous New Year to all of you, my friends; and may you all be blessed with the awareness of a gracious God watching over you.

Southern Indiana report...

...coming to you live from snowy New Albany, on the banks of the Ohio River. The drive down here was much less of an adventure than we had getting home from my dad's place a couple weeks ago. In fact, we made it in record time, simply by keeping up with the traffic tooling down I-65 at... ahem, a very brisk pace.

Tonight we're staying at Grandma's house. The kids will be spoiled rotten while Bruce happily gets all technogeeky with his brother Steve and I spend some time sewing with Steve's wife Beth. She is an amazingly skilled seamstress, and has generously offered to help me finish a chasuble for my friend Kate, who will be ordained at Epiphany. Between the two of us, it should be ready to wear before the evening is out. This will be loads of fun-- the fabrics Kate chose are vibrant and shimmery and eye-catching, just like she is. Not my speed at all, but it will be perfect for her.

Right now, however, the house is quiet. The boys have gone over to meet with a business client. Mom's at work and Beth is out running errands. The kids are watching a movie and I'm playing on Uncle Steve's wifi.

Life is good.

Dotting t's and crossing i's.

Today, I sat in front of the keyboard and dealt with some administrative stuff that I've been putting off. I finished my application for the CPE residency (training in hospital chaplaincy) that I'm hoping to do next year. This is not a simple thing: it involves many, many pages discussing my family history, spiritual formation, previous chaplaincy experience... lots of what my father calls "contemplating your navel." But it's done, and in the mail, and I hope to hear back about it soon.

Then I spent some significant time assembling my Church Deployment Office (CDO) profile. This is a service provided by the national church, with the intent of bringing together congregations who are looking for clergy, and clergy open to a call. It's sort of like an ecclesial dating service. The "significant time" was required because the data entry interface was apparently brought to us by those same delightful folks who designed the ECUSA website to be both attractive and oh, so very less-than-functional.

Now I'm off to pack, for a few days down in southern Indiana with my in-laws. A busy, fun time, and hopefully an effective distraction from The Exams that start in a week. Blogging may be sparse; we'll see how it goes.

Keepin' on, keepin' on

These have been a lovely few days, here. We had our immediate family Christmas morning present exchange, and all was highly satisfactory. Then we went over to my sister's house for dinner in the afternoon, after which I went up to sing Evensong and share some yummy munchies with the good folks at Reconciler (who included someone new to me; welcome, Bill!).

Yesterday, we accomplished nothing substantive, and that may have been the best part-- those days come so seldom. I finished the evening snuggled on the sofa in front of the fireplace, feet ensconced in new slippers, sipping tea out of an oversized mug and watching Return of the King with my family.

Today I ran errands, including a trip up north to fetch a book on vestments I had lent to Tripp and Trish (and which I need if I am to finish a chasuble for a friend's ordination at Epiphany!).
This highlight of the evening was a highly palatable meal, cooked and served by our talented elder child, who volunteered for the effort. It was very good; I will be encouraging more of that, believe me!

Tonight, my scripture reading comes from the lessons appointed for the Feast of St. John the Apostle, "the disciple whom Jesus loved." I do not always understand what John is trying to tell me, but I do understand and treasure his unwavering confidence in the love of Jesus for him, and for all of us. We need the reminder (at least, I do) when we are feeling unloving and/or unlovable, that God is eager for us to see ourselves as disciples whom Jesus loves-- that he is available, and faithful, and constant even when we are not.

The Nativity of our Lord

A joyous and blessed Christmas, my friends...

The shepherds sing; and shall I silent be?
My God, no hymn for Thee?
My soul's a shepherd too; a flock it feeds
Of thoughts, and words, and deeds.
The pasture is Thy word: the streams, Thy grace
Enriching all the place.
Shepherd and flock shall sing, and all my powers
Outsing the daylight hours.
Then will we chide the sun for letting night
Take up his place and right:
We sing one common Lord; wherefore he should
Himself the candle hold.
I will go searching, till I find a sun
Shall stay, till we have done;
A willing shiner, that shall shine as gladly,
As frost-nipped suns look sadly.
Then will we sing, and shine all our own day,
And one another pay:
His beams shall cheer my breast, and both so twine,
Till ev'n His beams sing, and my music shine.

George Herbert, "Christmas (II)"

Countdown

So, Christmas prep progresses around here. I finished the last of the shopping this afternoon, after a lovely lunch with my friend Cindy. Aside from the crowds that are wearying to this borderline introvert, it was a fine day. Shopping for presents to give to other people is one exception to my previously expressed distaste for the process.

Tonight: wrapping, wrapping, wrapping.

Tomorrow morning: some final baking. Molasses cookies, and butterballs, and maybe another batch or two of toffee. Seriously therapeutic, to all senses. Mmmm......

Then, tomorrow evening: prayer and worship, and a bit of Christian meditation by the light of our traditional pagan tree (one bit of syncretism to which I willingly subscribe).

Feast of St. Thomas the Apostle

Thomas (who was called the Twin), one of the twelve, was not with the other disciples when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, "We have seen the Lord." But he said to them, "Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe."

A week later his disciples were again in the house, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were shut, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you." Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe." Thomas answered him, "My Lord and my God!" Jesus said to him, "Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe." (John 20:24-29)

I've always had a certain sympathy for poor Thomas. I mean, I'm an engineer by training: data, facts and concrete performance have long been my stock and trade.

But faith is a whole different ballgame. Thomas asked for unequivocal proof of Jesus' resurrection and divinity, and got it; but we have to muddle along on blind trust, don't we?

Or do we?

Isn't it possible that faith, perhaps, may be built up over time?

If someone tells me, for example, that his glasses "just fell apart," I want to look over the pieces and see if I can determine what might have contributed to the supposed spontaneous disintegration. Sure enough-- signs of metal fatigue at the breaking point indicate bending, however unintentional. One or two, or even ten or twenty, small stresses on a nose bridge wouldn't produce that sort of separation; you'd never know that the pressure had ever been applied. But those same small repetitive flexing motions, over a period of months or years, are an explanation for the sudden, unexpected snap.

Perhaps, faith is like that. Like the gradual stretching and strengthening of atomic bonds. Little moments of grace, small blessings and habits, that then build to realization, and revelation, and trust... and belief, as life-altering as the irreversible change in a pair of old glasses.

God's gracious gifts

There were several, over the weekend. Of course, not being able to bi (or quad!) locate, I missed much more than I would have preferred. I was at my dad's house in Western Michigan, sharing a pre-Christmas Christmas with family too seldom seen. And though I got sick in the middle of it (necessitating an extra night up there), it was grand to spend the time nestled within the foundations of my life.

Meanwhile...

• In Detroit, the bishop of Michigan ordained four people to the diaconate-- including Susie, my sister with the angelic voice and exuberant, loving spirit.

• In Chicago, Charlie was among several ordained to the priesthood. A gentle soul with a smile that reaches into his eyes, and a gift for holy, wholly listening that few share.

• Out in Montana, Rev. Ref. was also priested-- this my beloved brother, whose strong, knowing heart and gift for speaking truth continually overwhelm me.

The Lord has indeed lifted up his countenance upon us. Thanks be to God!

Sitting vigil

For Delane, and for those who love him. (Bruce and I have walked this path too, my friends; please know our hearts are with you now.)

Almighty God, look on this your servant, lying in great weakness, and comfort him with the promise of life everlasting, given in the resurrection of your Son Jesus Christ our Lord.

Depart, O Christian soul, out of this world;
In the Name of God the Father Almighty who created you;
In the Name of Jesus Christ who redeemed you;
In the Name of the Holy Spirit who sanctifies you.
May your rest be this day in peace,
and your dwelling place in the Paradise of God.

Almighty God, look with pity upon the sorrows of your servants for whom we pray. Remember them, Lord, in your mercy; nourish them with patience; comfort them with a sense of your goodness; lift up your countenance upon them; and give them peace; through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Amen.

Huh?

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

(Props to Wes for the link.)

Lesser evils

It certainly wan't my intention; but I seem to have hit a nerve the other day, with a post that turned out to raise more issues than I had imagined it would. At the end of that discussion, Tripp topped things off with one of those questions. You know-- the quick and easy query, for which there is neither quick nor easy answer (yet another moment I'm reminded how much I love that man, and how much he makes me crazy).

What did I mean, he asked, when I made reference to "the lesser of evils?"

A good question indeed, and one which, as Frank might say, holds a lot in tension. On one hand, I do believe that evil is evil. Sin is simply, well, sinful; and despite what intentions may be behind them, wrongs we commit are still wrong.

Ah, but determining exactly what is evil, sinful and wrong is a trickier business. Now, being a Christian, I can't help but state the obvious: we can turn to the Bible for help in this. There's certainly enough teaching about it; one of the overarching themes and purposes of scripture is the discussion of good and evil, and instructions directing us to choose the one and avoid the other. There are the 10 Commandments, of course... murder, theft and adultery are classic no-nos. Heck, the whole Levitical holiness code is focused on teaching what is acceptable and what is abomination. Then there's Paul, with his fondess for making lists (one of the things he and I have in common), who offers several instructions, like the following to the Galatians:

"The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like... But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."

So, with all that guidance, this should be easy, right? Follow the rules, and stay out of trouble.

However, as AKMA is famous for reminding people, "It's more complicated than that." When, for example, does holding fast to godly principle against opposition, devolve into the dissention that Paul condemns as an act of a sinful nature? When does enjoyment of good food shift to gluttony, or appreciation of a glass of wine lead to drunkenness? At what point in a relationship might sincere love and admiration, unmonitored, slip over into adulterous contemplation?

Further, how do I cope when faced with a choice between ideas, actions or behaviors, when all the choices appear to be frought with elements that faith and conscience tell me cross the line between right and wrong?

This last arena is where Brother Tripp's question falls, because I don't have the ability to discern the whole of any truth, or to foresee the consequences of my choices. I cannot make them in the full knowledge of good and evil, to be sure that I am acting rightly--only God can do that. With the best will in the world, the most I can do is see through the glass darkly.

And so, within my fallible human nature, I prayerfully try to work through in my mind and heart which path to take. And one of the ways I do that is to try to weigh my options, and what I know of that piece of the truth which I see (or think I see). Which action, or decision, might result in greater good-- not only (or even primarily) for myself, but for the people and the world around me? And which choice might lead to lesser evil?

Lord, I wish I had definitive answers to these questions.

Please pray for me, a sinner.

Preachin', and answers to prayer

I was the preacher this Sunday at Reconciler.

This little homily was different for me. I had spent the week mulling over the scriptures, but had not had the opportunity to write much of anything down; so the words that came out were rather more extemporaneous than usual. Anyway, if you're interested, you can find the sermon posted on the church blog, here.

The Bumper of My SUV

This morning, I heard a song on the radio. It's a new one, by a country artist named Chely Wright. The album's not even out yet, and won't be until February, so it's not available in stores. But it's apparently taken on a life of it's own, and it's certainly sticking in my head; so I want to share it with you. If I could attach the music, I'd do it.

It's a reminder that how we treat one another day to day, even in the small moments, matters.

I've got a bright red sticker on the back of my car,
Says: "United States Marines."
And yesterday a lady in a mini-van,
Held up her middle finger at me.
Does she think she knows what I stand for,
Or the things that I believe,
Just by looking at a sticker for the US Marines,
On the bumper of my S.U.V.?

See, my brother Chris, he's been in,
For more than 14 years now.
Our Dad was in the Navy during Vietnam,
Did his duty, then he got out.
And my Grandpa earned his Purple Heart,
On the beach of Normandy.
That's why I've got a sticker for the US Marines,
On the bumper of my S.U.V.

But that doesn't mean that I want war:
I'm not Republican or Democrat.
But I've gone all around this crazy world,
Just to try to better understand.
And yes, I do have questions:
I get to ask them because I'm free.
That's why I've got a sticker for the US Marines,
On the bumper of my S.U.V.

'Cause I've been to Hiroshima,
And I've been to the DMZ.
I've walked on the sand in Baghdad,
Still don't have all of the answers I need.
But I guess I wanna know where she's been,
Before she judges and gestures to me,
'Cause she don't like my sticker for the US Marines,
On the bumper of my S.U.V.

So I hope that lady in her mini-van,
Turns on her radio and hears this from me.
As she picks up her kids,
From their private school,
And drives home safely on our city streets.
Or to the building where her church group meets:
Yeah, that's why I've got a sticker for the US Marines,
On the bumper of my S.U.V.

Rodenistas

That's what Bruce calls them, anyway. Tiny, furry little terrorists, sneaking around, and leaving a trail of destruction...

Okay, so it's not that much destruction, but mice do leave a mess.

So Bruce has been trappng them, and trying to plug any possible access (hard, as they can sqeeze through a hole as small as 1/2" in diameter). Meanwhile, I've spent the last few hours cleaning up evidence of their presence among us.

Outside, they're awfully cute. Inside, however, they are trespassing-- this is my ecosystem, and they are not welcome.

Ew.

Good news... bad news... good news...

First, the good news: three papers, four quizzes and a take home essay test, all complete. I'm done for the quarter! Finished my last paper this morning, and emailed it off to the professor. And because I'll be doing Field Ed, I won't have classes again until March.

That brings me to the bad news: The paper was due Thursday, but I had to ask for an extension-- the second one I've needed since I've been in seminary-- because my computer crashed while I was finishing up on Wednesday. The hard drive was in good shape, but the file got corrupted somehow, and was not salvageable; so I had to redo the paper (an essay on the vestment controversies of the Reformation).

Then, good news again: My prof was very gracious about the extension, and AKMA (bless his generous heart) not only helped me back up my hard drive, but gave me the loan of his TiBook for a few days, so I could finish up. And while I was typing furiously Wednesday night, another student called with a similar offer of an old iBook. Golly, I'm surrounded by wonderful people.

Now all I have to do is work on the rest of my list:
Tomorrow's sermon
CPE residency application
CDO Profile
GOE prep
Grant application for Reconciler
sewing-- some liturgical, some contract work
Cristmas decorating and baking-- yay!!

Oh, and breathing. Breathing would be good.

Down to the wire

One week from today, I will be done with the fall term here at Seabury. This means that my classes all have papers or projects to be completed, or quizzes or tests to be taken, between now and next Thursday afternoon.

This means less time online, and more time in writing, for the next few days.

Save my place, will you?